About “Michael’s Circle – Living with Aids” (1995)

I can say the following concerning the development of my books. During his speech at the dinner after I received my doctorate, my father reminded me that I had already written stories in primary school. Some of them were understandable, some of them were not. However, my thesis "Analysis of capital requirements for banking institutions" was in any case completely incomprehensible to my father. My first book, "Michael's Circle", that was published a few years earlier, he could understand better. The reason being that he featured in it as the father of a son, dying of aids. Although sad, the story is also funny, moving and above all encouraging.

I had no clear intention to write a book about Michael, but how can you ignore a clear flash of inspiration? After the funeral, while driving back to Assen, all kinds of thoughts went through my head. Together with the nice people who had cared so much for Michael, I had experienced so much. I wanted to write down all those good memories for the benefit of anyone with a terminal illness or anyone otherwise involved in such a situation. There had been such beautiful moments, such strange and funny situations, and such warm emotions. I thought it would make a good book. "Michael's Circle", with important roles for the people forming the circle and of course Michael as main character. The idea was boiling and steaming in my head while I was driving. I thought about how I wanted to write it: the structure, the chapters, the format and especially the prologue and epilogue, which are in fact the most important parts of the book. I also decided that Michael should speak in past tense, while all the others would use present tense, as if it were all still happening.

About “Beyond the Yellow Bridge – the Blue Helmet and the Girl from Srebrenica” (1997)

How different was the development of my second book, which was published in 1997: “Beyond the Yellow Bridge – the Blue Helmet and the Girl from Srebrenica”. Not a flash of inspiration, but anger was the driving force here. Pure anger.

Gorazde, a small town in Bosnia, had been ceaselessly shelled for weeks by the Serbs. It was easy scoring. The people could not escape. They were surrounded. It was a bloodbath that lasted for weeks and we could all see it on the television. The international community, lead by weak pacifists like Yasushi Akashi and Butros Butros Gali (now mostly forgotten), tried to pacify and reason with a bunch of adrenaline-soaked Serbs. I was bewildered, but the worst was yet to come.

It was Srebrenica's turn. Seven to eight thousand men were lead away and deliberately massacred. This all happened after a small number of virtually unarmed UN soldiers, equipped with low morale and some with little morals, had to hand over the Muslim population to the same adrenaline-soaked Serbs. I couldn't believe it!

Half a century after the horrors of the Second World War, in which Jews, gypsies, communists, gays and resistance fighters were systematically killed in a gruesome way, it was happening again. The only difference this time was that there were three zeros less in the number of victims. This also needed to be recorded.

Emotions propelled my search for Azemina. I started looking in the Hooghalen Centre for asylum seekers. Through a long trail of people that led me through a lot of towns in the Netherlands (I almost gave up along the way) I managed to get in touch with a girl in a similar Centre in Almelo. I went there and I recall walking through a long corridor with many displaced persons, wondering what in the name of God I was doing there. Why would she want to talk to me, after all that she and all the other women in Srebrenica had been through? And even so, who would guarantee that a publisher would be interested in the story? Little did I know that eventually not one, but two publishers would be willing to print it.

Nervously I knocked on her door. My heart was beating nervously and adrenaline was pumping through my veins. The door opened and the moment I saw her I knew that it would be okay. Finally, I had my flash of inspiration. She had first hand experience in the enclave with the Dutch soldiers. She told me her entire story. Not in that one afternoon, God no, the story was far too long for that. It took me months. Moreover, I had to do it alongside my work (I was still working on my Ph D). Apart from her mother, who was left in Bosnia, she had no family left. That is why I later "adopted" her as my sister.

About "Near-Death Experiences and world religions" (2006 and 2008)

The start of my third book, about Near-Death Experiences (NDEs), was quite different. I was caught up in this subject at the start of the eighties after I had read the pioneering books of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and Raymond Moody.

Afterwards I could never let go of the subject any more. I thought it was wonderful what people with a NDE described. It was so beautiful, so special and so sensational, and it matched the image of God as my parents taught me: there is a God of pure love. But in the mean time I had also experienced and seen shocking things, like the death of my mother, the dying of my brother from the consequences of Aids (my first book) and the murder of seven to eight thousand people in Srebrenica (my second book). And so much more still happens. What is the reason of it all? I thought of it for a long time, because despite these terrible things I kept believing in the good that is described in NDEs, i.e. a good God of love.

In 2000 I became member of IANDS, the International Association for Near-Death Studies and subscribed to their more scientific journal. From that I understood, in the course of time there has already been done quite some scientific work. For myself I wanted to write that down in a more structured way.

One day a good friend of mine told me that she saw me writing a book about this subject. She couldn’t have known that I was already working on it. Surprised about this coincidence, I decided to go ahead with it. A condition for me was that I wanted to add something new to the many publications about NDEs. For me that was the analysis of the relation between NDEs and the religions: the parallels and the differences.

Religions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity and Islam) are very special phenomena. They say that they have answers to many, if not to all spiritual questions with respect to the purpose of our life, the way we should lead it and what will happen to us when we die. By saying that with a lot of power and during a long period, religions have obtained a kind of monopoly. But the NDEs show that the search for answers to spiritual questions is not over and still continues.

That is what occupies me. It is my search, which I would like to share with others. What I have discovered and want to show, is that something very beautiful is waiting for us, that we are part of something so much bigger, that it is important to deal with one’s own life and that of others in a positive way, and that we have to add something good to it.